Some of you may already know that I manage an auto immune condition called CREST syndrome as well as fibromyalgia. I juggle a home studio which I’m slowly making adaptations to, create content with basic tools that often do not cooperate, customize silk floral arrangements and displays, DIY and various projects. I do it all myself and truthfully I LOVE it ALL even when I get frustrated with life’s little unexpected complications! Most days my condition is invisible to anyone who only sees me smile on the outside. Others who may witness my struggle and know me well enough may question how I can manage to smile at all and my answer is always the same. I’m lucky enough to do what I love every day and have family and friends in my life that are incredibly supportive. There are days that are really challenging to get through each moment without wincing in pain or exhaustion but, my gratitude keeps the smile on face and the tears at bay for the most part. That’s the truth! Now here’s the whole truth. I have so many times questioned whether what I do makes a big enough impact and whether I should shift career paths yet again. The questions that have been surfacing have been daunting. Does my work make a difference? Do viewers really have an interest in what I’m creating and sharing on social media and in the business world? Does my work bring value? Am I well received? Have a bitten off more than I can chew? Am I on the right path this time? My choices in life thus far have brought me through a very windy road that has left me wondering if I am doing enough and being all that I
can be. And then as luck may have it...something I have been working really hard for comes my way and I have to regretfully turn it down because of my current medical circumstances that
I often just turn the switch to and end up ignoring. I can’t go on ignoring it anymore. Unfortunately, it’s gotten worse but, fortunately it is unquestionably slowing me down to give it the attention I had convinced myself I could overcome on my own and in spite of the lack of medical guidance.
It’s been some time since my last blog post and writing has always proven to be somewhat therapeutic for me until denying myself of living in my whole truth and masking daily
pain management. I haven’t really come to terms with living with an invisible condition until an epiphany came to me with the simplest of observations and my own acceptance of desperately wanting to feel better just to be able to do and be more of who I believe I am and strive more
to explore. My apologies for all of you who have subscribed and read my blog. I have contemplated sharing my vulnerability and only now am I ready to rip the band aid off.
Thank you for your patience and understanding as it truly means a lot to me to discover that my voice and my intentions are well received and do make a difference after all.
In my quest to feel better my husband and I met a specialist a few weeks ago that FINALLY determined to schedule surgery. Something several doctors didn’t bother to consider and led me to believe my symptoms were within “normal” range of someone facing auto immune challenges. While it is partially true it is NOT the whole truth. That’s the trickiest part and the part that I was left feeling in the dark about the most. So I did what anyone coping with it all would do when they don’t want to succumb to feeling sick and sick and tired all the time. I IGNORED it all and just managed my day to day accordingly.
So with this truth revealed a laparoscopy is scheduled for Friday October 5th, 2018 with my surgeon in Miami. Even though I am scared of the procedure I think I may be more scared of the fact that my pain has been intense for too long and has progressively gotten worse. The years of muting the daily pain management will no longer be ignored and the time has come to "peel another layer of the onion".
I hope this is the just the beginning of better days to come. I hope that I will begin to truly embody the person I have been striving to be mind, body and soul. I have struggled with this inner turmoil for longer than anyone was probably privy to and longer than I myself have cared
to admit. I hope I find more answers as to my persistent pain, sensitivity, bouts of migraines and brain fog.
We all have our challenges and my wish is for everyone is not to wait or ignore theirs as I have.
Do not allow anyone ( not even the “professionals” ) to sweep symptoms under
a rug indefinitely. Seek help until you are heard. No one but, yourself knows your emotional and physical threshold and while it’s sadly common to learn of people suffering in silence, it’s never too late to share in the road to healing.
We do better when we know better and all we can do is cherish the moments. The good, the bad the truth, the whole truth, more of the truth and everything in-between.